I've been tied up with leather and beaten with chains
I've bathed in lime Jell-O and suffered great pain!
My dear, I'll be truthful, I won't be obtuse
I know it's our first date, but I want abuse!

CHORUS
Abuse! Abuse! I like abuse!
I've never had anything quite like abuse
I've had lots of lovers who tied me up loose
But I never had anything quite like abuse.

My mother and father think I'm kinda sick
Lighting my pubic hair up with a Bic.
My brothers and sisters think I am obscene
Using sandpaper dildos with no Vaseline
(Chorus)

Now whippings I'd get when e're I would be bad
And spankings I'd get when I made my folks mad
So I'd disobey them and break all my toys
Now punish me "Mommy", I've been a bad boy!
(Chorus)

I like small furry creatures who claw and who bite
There's something about that that's tingly and tight
There is but one drawback to this kinky mode
You've got to use duct tape or they will explode
(Chorus)

Necrophilia, really, I think is the best
The don't laugh at you when you get undressed
They never get angry, they never get miffed
And the best thing about them is they're always stiff!
(Chorus)

I like meeting new people as I go on my way
I never do suffer for something to say
I walk into biker's bars, calling them gay
Bike chains and pool cues, they just make my day
(Chorus)

I've been tied up with leather and tied up with twine
And even silk stockings, they work out just fine.
But I hit on something that might cause some dread,
Rope is for wimps, I'll use barbed wire instead
(Chorus)

Bestiality, really, I think is quite neat
Any old mammal, if it is in heat
Now you might be asking how this is abuse
You'd know if you ever tried doing a moose!
(Chorus)

Now those of you gentles who've heard this sad song
May say it's too bawdy, may say it's too long
May say I'm disgusting, or my morals are loose
But I guess we all get our fair share of abuse

ENDING CHORUS (much slower)
Abuse! Abuse! I like abuse!
I've never had anything quite like abuse
I've had lots of lovers who tied me up loose
But I've never had anything....

(Spoken) Sticks and Stones may break my bones,
But whips and chains excite me!
.... Quite like abuse!!!