Ay, ay, ay ay
In China they do it with chili *
So sing me another verse
That's worse than the other verse
And waltz me again by my Willie
Your mother, she swims after long ships
The long ships rejected your mother
Your grandma licks bat shit off of cave walls
Your sister solicits in kennels
Your cousin gives blow jobs to camels
Your sister does squat thrusts on hydrants
It takes leather balls to play rugby
Your sister runs the blowjob booth at the county fair
Your brother fucks butterball turkeys
Your mother goes down for Egyptians
Your Father can't get lucky on payday
There was a young harlot from Kew
Who filled in her vagina with glue
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
Then they'll pay to get out again too!"
There was a young girl named Ann Heiser
Who swore that no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance
Found a Schlitz in her pants
And now she is sadder Budweiser
There was a young lady of Ealing
Endowed with such delicate feeling
When she read on the door
'Don't piss on the floor'
She lay down and pissed on the ceiling
d in Braille
There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo.
The last time I dined with the King
He did a most curious thing.
He sat on a stool,
Took out his tool,
And said, "if I play will you sing?"
There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt,
And was fucked by a dog in the hall.
There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away
Here's to the girl named Louise
Who's pubic hair hung to her knees
the crabs came together,
and knitted a sweater
so in Winter her cunt would not freeze!
I know of a horny boy Matt
Who played with a vampire bat
With his dick in his hand
His voice did command
"Try sucking the blood out of that!"
There was an old woman from Leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn't for fame,
or love of the game
but to get at the cheese underneath.
There once was a girl from Nantucket.
Her boyfriend was about to up-chuck it.
she said with a grin,
wipe that cum from your chin.
I told you it's my job to suck it!
There once was a girl from Nantucket
Who crossed the sea in a bucket,
And when she got there
They asked for a fare
So she pulled up her dress and said "FUCK IT"
There once was a man named Sprockett
Who walked with his hand in his pocket
He was able to hide
What he was doing inside
Till he shot off like a Fourth of July rocket.
There once was a vampire named Mabel,
who's period was notoriously stable
So one night in June
she sat with a spoon
and drank herself under the table
There was a young man from Iraq,
Which had holes down the side of his cock,
His boyfriend Umberto,
could play the concerto,
by Johannes Sebastian Bach.
There was a young man from Marsailles,
Who lived on clap-juice and snails,
When he couldn't afford these,
He lived on the cheese,
He scraped from his cock with his nails.
I'm told of a Bishop of Birmingham,
Who buggered young boys while confirming them,
To roars of applause,
He tore down their drawers,
And pumped the epsicople sperm in 'em.
There once was a lady from Nizus,
Who had breasts of two different sizes,
One was small,
and round like a ball
And the other was big and won prizes
Said a woman with open delight,
My pubic hair's perfectly white.
I admit there's a glare,
But the fellows don't care
They locate it more quickly at night.
A certain young fellow from Ransome
Had a dame seven times in a hansom.
When she shouted for more,
Said he from the floor,
The name, miss, is Simpson, not Samson.
There was a young lady from Kew
Who said, as the bishop withdrew,
Oh, the Vicar is quicker
And thicker and slicker
And four inches longer than you.
There was a young lady in France
Who hopped on a Bus in a Trance
Three passengers fucked her
Besides the conductor
And the Driver shot twice in his pants.
There was an old man of Duluth
Whose cock was shot off in his youth.
He fucked with his nose,
And his fingers and toes,
And he came through a hole in his tooth.
There once was a man from Marcasse
There once was a man named Dave
Who had balls fashioned of brass
When jangled together
They played 'Stormy Weather'
And lightning shot out of his ass.
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
Oh what the hell,
I'll get used to the smell.
And think of the money I'll save.
There once was a girl who couldn't shit,
Because she kept playing with 'er clit.
The doctor said 'stop!'.
So she pulled off her top,
And started to play with her tit!
A mortician who practiced in Fyfe
Made love to the corpse of his wife
"I couldn't know, judge,
She was cold, didn't budge,
Just the same as she acted in life!"
There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went for a walk with a builder
He knew that he could
And he should and he would
And he did -- and goddamn nearly killed her!
There was a young man from Berlin
Whose tool was the size of a pin
Said his girl with a laugh
As she fondled his shaft
"Well, this won't be much of a sin!"
There was a young fellow from Kent
Whose prick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of coming, he went