When I was a young lad I used to like girls
I'd play with their bodies and fondle their curls
'Till my wife ran away with a salesman named Bruce
You'd never get treated that way by a Moose

Chorus:
And its Moose, Moose, I like a Moose
I've never had anything quite like a Moose
I've had many women, my life has been loose
But I've never had anything quite like a Moose

When I'm in the mood for a very good lay
I go to the closet and get me some hay
I open the window and spread it around
'Cause Moose always 'come' when there's hay on the ground

Now gorilla are fine for a Saturday night
But lions and tigers they put up a fight
And its just not the same when you slam their caboose
Like the feeling you get when you hump on a Moose

I've done it with all sorts of beasties with hair
I'd do it with snakes if their fangs were not there
I've done it with a walrus, a duck and a goose
But I've never had anything quite like a Moose

Ladies will sometimes go down on their knees
But they aren't really anxious to please
So if you really want to step up a rung
Just hang from a rack and try some Moose tongue

And now I am old and advanced in my years
As I look o'er my life I will shed me no tears
So I sit in my chair with my glass of Matuse
Playing hide the salami with Marvin the Moose

Woodchucks are all right, except that they bite
And foxes and rabbits won't last through the night
Cows would be fun, but they're hard to seduce
But you never need worry should you find a moose

I've found many women attracted to me
A few of them have had me over for tea
Some say they love me, when they're feeling loose
I'd trade the world's women for one lovely moose

Step into my study and you will find there
A black stripped tiger and a scruffy maned bear
You'll know the elephant 'cause his skin is so loose
But the one that is winking you know is the Moose.

There's an infamous song goin 'round 'bout a moose
It's really quite funny and quite full of juice
But all of it's told from a masculine view
And a lot of us women want to get a piece too

Chorus:
Moose, Moose, I want a moose
I've never had anything quite like a moose
I've had lots of others, my life has been loose
But I've never had anything quite like a moose

I figured it all out one day by myself
When my man went off and left me on the shelf
He'd hound him a new love, a nubile moose-ess
Which gave me a bad case of rampant distress

"what's sauce for the gander is sauce for the goose."
Said I as I set out to find me a moose
But I ran into problems that men do not find
For male moose a seasonal creatures, you'll find

I hunted in winter, I hunted in spring
I hunted all summer and found not a thing
But I found my moose when leaves started to fall
And...Oh Brother! Did I have a ball.

With my arms 'round his barrel, my feet by his tail
I hanged and we banged and we really did flail
Bouncing and jouncing I came with a roar
I never had had such a great lay before

But autumn soon passed and so I said goodbye
I'll be here next year when the leaves start to fly
Yes I will return then the leaves start to fall
And we'll ball, and we'll ball, and we'll ball and we'll ball.

And so my dear sisters, I have to confess
Being balled by a moose, it is really the best
But you'll make out with others for most of the year
For male moose are seasonal creatures I fear

A bear in the winter is furry and warm
And if you don't tickle, he'll do you no harm
In spring try an eagle, his feathers are light
That is if you are not afraid of great height

In summer, I fear you must make do with men
But, not to worry, soon fall comes again
Then you can return to your own faithful moose
And revel in supremely scrumptious screws.