I will tell you of a story far from the fields of glory
That took place this past Pennsic in a camp not far from here:
A little grey-haired lady did deeds so dark and shady
She earned herself the nickname "anti-mom" of Ealdormere.

Oh if you could have seen her then… boys if you had just been there:
Her face was full of laughter, and her son was full of fear.
In the cold wind of September, we all will long remember
The escapades of Heather, anti-mom of Ealdormere.

Before first light of morning, with little or no warning,
A speeding cart was sighted passing camps both far and near.
Her son, he does deny it, but many folk did spy it
Containing Sheriff Heather, guardian of Ealdormere.

Later on, her eyes a-gleaming, she saw a banner streaming
And did commit the deed that will be told for many years.
Our innocent, sweet Heather, she stole that bright blue feather
And hung it on the camp gate at Royal Ealdormere.

Now this story has a moral with which you cannot quarrel:
If you take your mom to Pennsic, then you'll learn what Tempus fears.
Something in the Pennsic weather will make your mom like Heather,
And then we'll have another anti-mom from Ealdormere.