Ragnar's Song Book
	Green Eggs & Ham
	by Moxy Fruvous   tune:

Murray
Hey kids, listen up if you want to be sick
'Cause your dinner looks like something from a Cronenburg flick
Think twice before you cuss and shout

All
Damn! Damn! Damn!

Murray
Let me tell you a story about green eggs and ham,
this stuff.
There was a little yellow man called Sam-I-Am
[Jian & Dave separate; Jian looks suddenly awake]

Jian
That's me!

Dave
I don't like you, Sam-I-Am

Jian
Well, that's fine, that's cool, I understand
But do you like green eggs and ham?

Dave
I don't like green eggs and ham
No, I don't like 'em, Sam-I-Am

Jian
Would you like them here or there?

Dave
I wouldn't like them anywhere
'Cause I do not like them, Sam-I-Am
No, I don't like green eggs and ham

Jian
Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse?

Dave
Maybe you can't hear, you got something in your ear?

Jian
No!

Dave
I'm gonna make this perfectly clear
I would not like them in a house, I would not like them with a mouse
I would not like them here or there, I wouldn't like them anywhere
'Cause I do not like them, Sam-I-Am,
No no, not for me, green eggs and ham
[Jian looks confused]

Jian
Would you like them if I served them to you in a box
Candlelight, and wine and a red-headed fox?
[Jian and Murray crowd around Dave, trying to convince him]
(Murray speaking)
Yeah, a red-headed fox, some candlelight...
(Mike, speaking from the congas)
Bottle of Manischewitz...

Dave
Not in a box with a fox or a house with a mouse
Stop bugging me, you louse!
[The guys are extremely playful on stage, running around, pointing at one another, etc]
I would not eat them, no, man, I don't like your green eggs and ham

Jian
Well, would you could you in a car, eat them, don't deny who you are
[Jian looks at the crowd with a big smile for the next two lines]
He's gonna like them, you're gonna see
You might like them up in a tree

Dave
No, not in a tree, not in a car, would you let me be
No box no fox no house no mouse, not here, there, or anywhere
Because you guessed it, I don't like green eggs and ham
I don't like 'em, Sam-I-Am
[Jian looks confused once more during Dave's lines]

Jian
A train, a train, a train, a train!
[Murray and Mike (and quite often the audience) will sing "Woo! Woo!", imitating the sound of a train]
Would you, could you in a train
Or up in an aeroplane?
[Jian raises his arm, and does a swaying motion back and forth during the following two lines]
How 'bout in the dark? We could drive and park
We could listen to the crickets and the pit bulls bark

Dave
No, not in a plane, not in the dark,
not on a train, not in a car, not up a tree
'Cause I don't like 'em, Sam, see,
Not in a schoolhouse
(rest) schoolhouse!

Dave
or a shoebox (rest) shoebox! with a house-mouse (rest) house-mouse! or a red fox (rest) red fox!

Dave
Not here, there, and everywhere
Didn't even like the Beatles with their long, long hair.
[During Dave's lines, Jian goes to the other side of stage, disgusted. He pretends to talk to a particular audience member, expressing his anger towards Dave. He then hears Dave slag the Beatles, perks up, and turns towards Dave. Everyone on stage freezes.]
(Jian stops suddenly and points at Dave)
Hey! Not the Beatles!
[Jian's ribbing of Dave changes greatly from show to show. He will often say, "This is [city/state/province]. There's a lot of left over hippies here and stuff. People get upset. You've slagged the Beatles."]
[Quite often, Jian will say, "The Beatles wrote a lot of classic songs." Murray, Jian, and Mike proceed to name off a bunch of tunes that were not written by the Beatles]
[Sometimes, Dave will acquiesce, and retract his statement]

Jian
You don't like green eggs and ham!

Dave
Oh, Mr. Perception, Sam-I-Am
[The congas and the song resumes]

Jian
Well I know that you'd like 'em if you ate 'em with a goat!

Dave
I would not could not with a goat

Jian
Well would you could you on a boat

Dave
I would not could not on a boat
And I will not never with a goat
[During the following two lines, Dave slowly spins his fast around, winding it up as if he's going to punch someone. When he says the word "pain", he goes to punch Jian, who steps back quickly, with a surprised look on his face]
I'm not interested in stuffing face in the rain,
on a train, I should introduce you to my friend *pain*!
Not in the dark, not up a tree,
Not on your fine china with Earl Grey Tea
No boxes, foxes, houses, mouses, husbands and wives - no spouses!
[Jian waves out into the crowd at the "no spouses" line]
Why you trying to make me eat that?
I don't like it, I wouldn't feed it to my cat
I said already, I don't like them, Sam-I-Am,
I do not like green eggs ham!

Jian
Mr. Cheese! You just think you don't like them, so you say
And he's beginning to remind me of Doris Day
[Mike, in the back, sings "Que Sera!" during the "Doris Day" line] You say you don't like this and you don't like that
Well you're starting to sound like a finicky cat
Just try them, try them, and you may find you like nothing better than
Two greenish eggs over easy in the fry-pan
[Murray takes his silver hat off, so Jian can drop the ball (or whatever prop they choose that night to represent GE&H) into it. Right when "fry-pan" is said, Murray makes a "sssss" sound]
And to accompany this fine taste we have Martian ham - pork from space!

Dave
Sam, if you get out of my face
I'll try that and puke all over the place
(rest yelling) Good!

Dave
Nothing makes a crowd disperse more quick
Than a great big puddle of sick!
[Mike stops playing the congas. Murray gets on his knees, presenting the hat to Dave]

Murray
Your green eggs and ham, sir. I added a little aregano...
(Mike, in a high pitched voice)
Get back!
[Murray and Jian run away, joining Mike by the congas. They crouch down, worried at what is about to happen]
[Jian starts everyone chanting "He's gonna try them!"]
[Dave looks reluctantly at the ball, pinches his nose, and with a sour look on his face, he pretends to eat the green eggs and ham]
[Right when Dave takes his first, big bite, the rest of the guys all scream "Ohh!" in disgust]

Jian
Gross!
(Mike)
He's gonna spew chunks!

Dave
Say...
[Dave takes another bite]

Dave
Say! (Mike, speaking or singing from the congas in a funny, high-pitched voice) That's French! -OR- Everybody Dance Now!

Dave
Not bad!
[Mike resumes the congas]
Green eggs and ham
I believe I like them, Sam-I-Am
[At the start of the following line, the rest of the guys do a funny dance in the background]
And I'd eat them in a boat, with a billy goat,
I'd eat them in the rain in the dark on a train
In a car, up a tree, they're pretty good, you see
[The guys yell "Woo!" in a syncopated rhythm during the following lines]
So I'd eat them in a box with a fox
I'd eat them in a house and with the house-mouse
I'd eat them here, I'd eat them there
I'd eat them in my Fruit-of-the-Loom underwear
I think you're ok, Sam-I-Am

Jian
Well, I wouldn't let you down, you stubborn old man!

Dave
Well, we should share them, eh, we got enough
[Jian stops, looking at the ball that Dave is presenting him. He looks as if he wants to try it, but he's not really sure if he should. Sometimes, he looks out to the crowd with the same look of concern]
(Jian, still looking hesitant about trying)
Are you kidding? I don't eat that stuff!
[The guys all slump to the floor, with their legs raised in the air]